


You Raise Me Up

by nohyuck (infinitethe8)



Series: Live: The Series [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-06-28 23:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15717744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitethe8/pseuds/nohyuck
Summary: Five chapters based on the perspective of different members and how they help Donghyuck in the long run.Title comes from You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban*Takes place about a month after Live ended. Reading Live will help you understand this fic since I do reference what happened in Live.Discontinued: Will not be completed and I apologize for all of those who waited for more.





	1. Rest

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, here is the next installment in the Live series! In this series, five different hyungs help Donghyuck deal with his some of the issues/problems that weren't addressed in the first story or that he developed as a result of his decisions in the first fic. These chapters are not in Donghyuck's perspective and it gives us a look into how they feel about everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one is Rest and the hyung is Johnny! Johnny is the main reason why I started this fic so everyone say thank you Johnny.

Johnny groggily opened his eyes as he tried to understand why he had awaken. He turned to look at his bedside clock and blinked, it was only three-thirty am. He held in a groan so that he didn't wake the other two people in his bed. It was too early to be awake.

NCT had a day off so he didn't have to worry about waking up in a few hours but he still hated being awake at such an ungodly hour. Sleep was cherished in his line of work and he valued every minute of sleep he was able to squeeze in between schedules.

Johnny stopped as he faintly heard noises coming from what he assumed was the living room.

_Ah, so that's why I'm awake,_ Johnny thought. Even though Johnny’s snores could rival a bear, he was surprisingly a light sleeper. The quietest noise would wake him.

He carefully stood up as he got ready to go investigate who was making noise at three am.

_It better not be Mark and Jaehyun playing video games again,_ he thought grumpily. Sometimes Johnny really did feel like the father to several disobedient children.

“Babe..?”

Johnny winced, he really had hoped he could leave his bed without waking up any of his boyfriends. Unfortunately, Taeyong was _also_ a light sleeper like him, unlike Ten who remained peacefully asleep.

“Shh. Go back to bed baby, I just heard some noise and I'm going to go see what's going on. I have to make sure the kids are getting their eight hours” he joked quietly.

“You're such a dad” Taeyong mumbled as he turned over and spooned Ten, who let out a happy sigh.

Johnny rolled his eyes fondly. _Boyfriends, ya gotta love them,_ he thought as he walked out of his room.

As he approached the living room, Johnny noticed that the TV was on but the volume had been turned all the way down.

_That's odd_ , he thought. He racked his brain for his member's sleeping habits but came up empty.

The members sometimes struggled with insomnia due to insecurities or over thinking, meaning Johnny was familiar with how all of them acted when they needed help. None of them liked to stay out in the living room and wait until they fell asleep. Most of the time, the members would go to one another for comfort. Johnny knew from experience just how comforting it was to fall asleep next to someone.

Johnny's thoughts were interrupted when he heard sniffling. He paused and waited. When he heard it again, alarms rung in his head and he immediately walked faster towards the living room.

He peeked his head into the room and frowned at the scene in front of him.

On the couch sat Donghyuck, his baby, who was failing to stop the tears from falling down his face. The look on Donghyuck’s face broke Johnny's heart. He looked so sad and small, as if he wanted the whole world to swallow him whole.

“Oh Hyuckie” Johnny whispered sadly to himself.

It had only been a month since Donghyuck had attempted to take his own life. He had shown fast improvement in his recovery, so much so, that Johnny had never asked himself if Donghyuck had been recovering _too_ quickly.

He slowly walked over to Donghyuck, making sure not to scare him away, and decided to focus on the task at hand and deal with his thoughts later.

Johnny sat down and he felt Donghyuck freeze. He turned to look at Johnny who only gave him a small smile back.

“It's okay, sweetie” Johnny said softly as he rubbed Donghyuck's back. Donghyuck's lip wobbled before he burst into tears, quiet sobs escaping his small frame.

“Shh. It's okay Duckie, It's okay.” Johnny soothed as Donghyuck cried into his shoulder. Johnny pulled Donghyuck close to him and rocked him back and forth

_It's going to be okay, I promise._

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck cuddled into Johnny as his cries stopped. His head leaned against Johnny's shoulder as he breathed in and out.

“Do you want to talk about what's wrong?” Johnny whispered as he ran his finger through Donghyuck's hair.

Usually it was Taeyong that helped comfort the members when they cried. Taeyong knew how to handle it all, from nightmares to homesickness, the man was a wonder.

There was something comforting about Taeyong’s presence that Johnny thought he lacked. He never did understand how people thought his boyfriend was intimidating. Taeyong was as intimidating as a vanilla cupcake.

“I had a nightmare” Donghyuck admitted, “It had to do with _that_ night. None of you got to me on time and after I passed, you guys celebrated. You guys were happy that you finally got rid of me."

Tears fell down Donghyuck’s face and Johnny rushed to wipe them away. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, it broke his heart to know that somewhere deep down, Donghyuck probably believed what he had dreamed of.

“Sweetheart, no.” Johnny said gently, “We would never do that. It's a nightmare for a reason kiddo. It's not real and it never will be. We stopped you that night because we love you and we want you here. There's not a day that goes by that we aren't grateful that we all got there in time. There's no one else I would want as our Haechan or my favorite kid.”

“I-I’m your favorite?” Donghyuck asked quietly as he stared at him with his innocent brown eyes.

It was in moments like these that Johnny was painfully reminded just how young Donghyuck was. In their industry, everyone grew up quickly and matured way faster than other people their age. It was in moments of vulnerability that he was reminded that the boy in front of him was just that, a seventeen year old boy.

“Of course.” Johnny responded as he tried to hide how choked up he was, “Just don't tell Mark or he'll riot”

Donghyuck giggled and swore his secrecy, causing Johnny's heart to swell. Donghyuck really was the cutest sunshine to ever bless the earth.

“Hyung, can I sleep with you and Taeyong and Ten hyung?” Donghyuck asked shyly.

Johnny had to stop himself from cooing. Donghyuck was rarely shy, he was always confident about himself and his decisions. It made Johnny soft to see Donghyuck act his age, to allow himself to be vulnerable instead of hiding behind the mask he wore to protect himself.

“Sure kid,” Johnny said with a big smile as he ruffled Donghyuck’s hair, “Lets go then, I know we don't have schedules tomorrow but you're a growing boy, you need eight hours a day.”

“You're such a dad hyung.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes but Johnny could see the smile he was trying to hide. _God, I love this brat,_ Johnny thought fondly.

“Yeah but I'm a cool dad right?”

“Hyung, you wear jorts.”

“They feel nice and are very fashionable, thank you very much!”

They reached Johnny's room and Donghyuck's eyes lit up. He knew that Donghyuck loved spending time in his room, Johnny often found him curled up next to Ten and Taeyong on their days off.

Johnny closed the door as Donghyuck curled up next to Ten who only hummed happily and pulled Donghyuck closer to him.

Johnny held in a chuckle, Ten really was a heavy sleeper. _I don't think an earthquake could wake him up_ , Johnny thought in amusement.

He laid in bed next to Taeyong who grabbed his hand and pulled him towards him.

“S’far away.” Taeyong mumbled, “Cuddle with your family.”

Johnny placed a kiss on Taeyong’s neck, “Of course honey, my bad.”

“S’okay.” Taeyong said as he raised his head to look at Donghyuck who had fallen asleep as soon as Ten had held him, “Is our baby okay?”

“He will be.” Johnny responded firmly, “After everything that's happened, it's only natural that it takes him awhile to get back to usual. He had a nightmare but we talked about it a little. I'm sure tonight won't be the last but we'll be here.”

“We will be.” Taeyong said with a fond smile as he looked at the boy in Ten’s arms.

“Kiddo has three dads, he'll be able to take on the world.” Ten murmured before falling back asleep.

Taeyong and Johnny shared a look before laughing quietly. Johnny placed a kiss on Taeyong’s forehead and then maneuvered himself so he could do the same to Ten and Donghyuck.

“Sleep.” He told Taeyong who only nodded and went back to the position he was in earlier.

Johnny smiled as he gave one last look to his boyfriends and the small boy he considered his own. He shifted as sleep washed over him.

_We'll be okay,_ he thought before falling asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed chapter one! Here are some notes:  
> \- Donghyuck has spent a lot of time with his hyungs and has become very comfortable with them which is why he acts differently with them in this fic vs the original story. Part of his recovery process was to learn how to build a relationship with them again which is why Donghyuck talked with Johnny but didn't go to him right away as the nightmare happened. Their relationship is better and Donghyuck trusts them but it isn't 100% yet.  
> \- Johntaeten are Hyuck's parents confirmed.  
> \- Johnny loves Hyuck, im soft.
> 
> Anyway, can you guess who the next hyung is? 
> 
> If you want to leave me a comment about this chapter on my curiouscat or want to follow me on twitter, feel free to clink on the links uwu
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Nohyuck_)  
> [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/nohyuck_)


	2. Eat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong won't fail him again.
> 
> TW: This chapter deals with aspects related to an eating disorder (although it is never directly called that) and feelings associated with that. Please read at your own risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update, life has been not good but we're getting through it! If you haven't noticed, the summary of the story has changed. This chapter came so naturally to me and it doesn't focus too much on Donghyuck. The story will still have the hyungs helping Donghyuck but it will focus more on their perspective and how they're feeling about everything that's happened.  
> Anyway, the hyung for this chapter is Taeyong! Enjoy ~

Taeyong does his best as NCT's leader. He makes decisions with the best intentions and takes management's anger so none of his members suffer.

There's no rulebook on how to be a good leader. He asks his sunbaes for advice, but they all smile and tell him it'll come with time.

Time that Taeyong doesn't have. Since the moment SM looked at him and said _fuck it, he'll do,_ he hasn't had a moment to spare. He can't afford to fuck up, not when he has seventeen people dependent on him.

There are days when it’s easier, when he knows everyone's schedules like the back of his hand. Those are the _good days_ , when anxiety doesn't loom over him. When he can feed and get everyone to bed before three a.m.  

Of course, there are bad days too. Days when Taeyong’s mind is a mess and he forgets something, _someone_ and all he can feel is failure. Those are the days he counts head to make sure everyone is accounted for and lets management get to him. Those are the days where he gives up on himself.

He's luckily not alone. He has his lovely boyfriends, Johnny and Ten, who help in any way they can. Ten is use to being around the dreamies and makes sure none of them get into _too_ much trouble. Johnny helps him control 127. He's the second oldest so everyone listens to him without fail.

It helps him immensely but it doesn't stop him from feeling incompetent. 

There are too many days where Taeyong will stare at the wall and wonder if SM made the right choice with him. He is undeserving of his title. He knows any of the other members would make better leaders than him.

The members do their best to reassure him that he's doing his best and he can only do so much as one person. They give him nothing but kindness and acceptance and he starts to believe them.

That is, until Donghyuck tries to take his own life.

Taeyong remembers the numbing pain as they made their way to the hospital. His chest felt heavy, his heart breaking as he remembered Donghyuck's screams.

His mind is desperate for an answer. He wants to figure out _why?_ Why had he failed so badly at being a leader than he hadn't noticed one of his members suffering in silence.

He can hear Johnny try to comfort him but he can't hear anything over his thoughts, over the drowning taunts of his own mind.

 _He failed_.

He failed so badly he almost lost someone he cared about. It was all his fault.

Taeil finds him later in a small abandoned corner, crying and clawing at himself as he repeats over and over _it's my fault, it's my fault._

Donghyuck awakes and he _forgives_. He forgives Taeyong but Taeyong will never allow himself to forget. He will never forgive himself for what he has done.

Life quickly moves on and so does everyone else. Donghyuck readjusts to being the maknae of 127, of being _loved_ so unconditionally. It takes time but all of NCT heals, their bonds stronger than ever. 

 

* * *

 

Johnny lets it slip that Donghyuck is having nightmares one night.

Taeyong immediately goes on alert. He makes sure to keep an extra eye on their beloved maknae. 

The more he pays attention to Donghyuck, the more he sees. Alarms go off in his head as he notices the behavior Donghyuck desperately wants to hide. 

He notices that some days Donghyuck will give a tired smile and say he's eaten or he's not hungry. He'll avoid eating as much as he can until a member notices or catches up with him.

Those are the days Donghyuck sways, lightheaded and weak as his stomach growls. He'll say he's fine, even as he almost topples over when Jaehyun bumps into him.

Taeyong knows what it's like to feel weak, to be hungry, to feel the pain of an empty stomach, he knows it _too well._ In an industry that demands perfection, it's not unusual for idols to go on insane diets or starve themselves in order to appease what the public deems presentable.

He also knows that the managers are harder on Donghyuck, who is starting to shed the baby fat from adolescence. He knows Donghyuck reads comments, the good and the bad.

He knows it all.

Before, he would turn a blind eye. He'd slip a granola bar in Donghyuck's hand before turning away to something more important.

He really is the worst leader, the worst person he knows.

 _What could be more important than sweet, bright, Donghyuck?_ He wishes he could go back and yell at his past self for letting things slip through the cracks, for being compliant and allowing Donghyuck to fall farther until he was too far down.

He has so many regrets. _So_ many.

But he can't change the past, as much as he would like to. He will live with his regrets, with the knowledge of failing someone so important to him. But he change it. He can do something _now._

And that is how Taeyong finds himself sitting on the bathroom floor with Donghyuck at two a.m.

Taeyong is a light sleeper, but it's not the noise the wakes him up. He wakes up, chest hurting, and immediately knows something is wrong. He stills, waiting, when he hears a small cry.

Immediately he shoots out of bed. Johnny and Ten remain oblivious, too busy in dreamland to stop him as he sneaks out of the room. He stands in the hallway, wondering if he's losing it when he hears another sob.

He walks slowly to the bathroom. The door is partially open, which explains why he could hear the noise from his room. He slowly opens it and his heart breaks at what he sees.

Donghyuck is on the floor in his pink pajamas crying, his hand clamped around his mouth to quiet his cries.

“Oh Donghyuck-ah.” He says sadly as he sits on the floor next to him.

Donghyuck turns to him, his eyes wet, “H-Hyung?”

Taeyong’s heart aches as he's reminded of a similar memory.

He remembers the first time sixteen year old Donghyuck had read hate comments. He had cried into Taeyong’s lap, wondering why no one liked him, wondered what was wrong with him.

He had held Donghyuck close, telling him that there was nothing wrong with him, that he was beautiful and wonderful just the way he was.

He remembers how Donghyuck's eyes, that sparkled with happiness, had become empty.

Now as he stares at eighteen year old Donghyuck in tears, he wonders why their industry, why the universe, failed wonderful people like him.

“What's wrong baby?” He asks softly, his hands caressing Donghyuck's face

Donghyuck's face crumbles and Taeyong quickly hugs him. He rocks them back and forth, whispering _you're okay,_ and _it's_   _okay,_ into his ears.

Donghyuck clutches at his pajama shirt as his cries start to lessen. Taeyong wishes nothing more than to take away his pain, to experience it all himself, as long as it would spare Donghyuck from feeling like this.

 _It's going to be okay, I promise,_ Taeyong whispers to himself.

 

* * *

 

“Do you want to tell hyung what's wrong?” Taeyong asks softly.

Donghyuck looks at him and sniffles. He stopped crying thirty minutes ago but the tear tracks have not dried yet.

“I feel so bad,” He says quietly, “I'm so fat and ugly and I know it's not true. I know it. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I love who I am, I'm not always proud of myself but I _do_ love myself. I don't understand why my brain gets so mean. Why does this voice in my head tell me that I need to be thinner. I just want to eat again and be happy but I _can't_. I don't know what to do… I've been wanting to tell Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin but I'm… ashamed. I'm better than this but it all feels so wrong.”

Taeyong looks at Donghyuck, “Donghyuck, sweetie, I'm so proud of you. You are _so_ brave. You understand that it's wrong and you want to get better. That's such a hard thing to do. It's not easy, especially when you think, when you _know_ it's wrong. I think you need help from all of us. There is no shame in asking for help and all of us would be more than happy to help. We'll help you beat the darkness, you don't have to do it alone. Let us help you.”

Tears fall down Donghyuck's face, “Okay. I-I want to get better, I _do._ Please help me.”

Taeyong breathes in, tears welling up in his eyes. He pulls Donghyuck into a hug and finally allows his own tears to fall.

“I love you so much. I'm so proud. We'll get through this together, I promise. I won't fail you this time.”

_Not this time, Taeyong won't fail you again Lee Donghyuck._

 

* * *

 

Recovery is a bump road. It's not easy and it doesn't happen overnight. There are good days and bad ones.

Taeyong is proud of Donghyuck's progress, of his eagerness to get better, to _feel_ better.

It takes a village and everyone happily helps where they can. Taeyong makes Donghyuck’s favorite meals and sits with him to make sure he eats as much as he can. He never pressures him to eat more than he can handle and always makes sure to praise him for moving forward.

There are days when he slips up. When he forgets about everything, when he's too busy with the company and schedules to remind Donghyuck to eat.

But he tries. Taeyong does as much as he can and he knows the other members will make up for what he lacks.  

It doesn't matter to him how long it takes. As he watches Donghyuck press kisses onto the other members cheeks, he knows he would go through hell and back for him.

“It's your turn hyung!”

Taeyong chuckles as Donghyuck hugs him. He reaches forward and places a wet kiss on Taeyong’s cheek.

“All done!” He yells happily and moves onto Mark who begins running away the moment he sees Donghyuck approaching him.

They've all come a long way and Taeyong couldn't be more proud of them. He knows he may not be the best leader and he might make mistakes in the future but he thinks it doesn't matter as long as the group is together. As long as they're all together, he'll lead them the best he can.

_I'll do my best, for all of you. Even if I am not worthy, you have all accepted me as your leader and I will lead you to the best of my ability. Thank you for trusting me._

Taeyong smiles as he watches his group mess around and thinks, maybe, SM got it right for once.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the topic of eating disorders isn't easy to write or read about but I hope I portrayed it correctly. I suffered from an ED years ago, and actually, I wrote the first part of the fic before I relapsed back into it. Funny how those things happen. This chapter is based on my own feelings. Everyone's journey to recovery is different. I didn't write too much about the ED and mainly had it from Taeyong’s perspective as to not trigger myself, so I hope that's okay.  
> If you're struggling, I promise you, it will get better. I love y'all and I hope you liked the chapter.
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Nohyuck_)  
> [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/nohyuck_)


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